This year, the music industry gave Apple Computer a Grammy award for "bringing computer technology into the studio and revolutionizing the way music is written, produced, mixed, recorded and creatively imagined." Unfortunately, Apple's acceptance speech was cut from the Grammy awards broadcast. As a service to Macintosh users, music fans, and all humanity, we are reproducing it here in its entirety.
The envelope is opened, the winner is announced, and a stylishly attired gooseneck iMac rolls up to the podium.
Wow. Thanks. I'm speechless. Well, actually, I have excellent speech capabilities, but you know what I mean. Fortunately I scribbled down some notes earlier tonight. Just let me launch SimpleText....
OK, that's a Classic app. It's gotta launch Classic first....
Sooo, it's launching Classic. Be ready in juuust a minute. Just a minute. Talk amongst yourselves.
OK, here we are. Right, let's see, first I want to thank all the little people: Andy Hertzfeld, this evening's host Jon Stewart....
Yeah, insult the host, that's smart. Say, security is really tight here tonight, isn't it? I almost didn't get in -- I had to check my 128-bit encryption. Yeah, but it's great to be here in Staples Centre. Apple has been trying to get into Staples for years.
Staples? Office supply chain? All right, that bombed. Just like Windows, right? Hmm, that one got a couple of chuckles from the engineers in the audience, but Bono is looking like, "Bombs? Windows? Is that an IRA joke? And if it is, should I laugh?"
OK, look, I know I'm not an orthodox nominee, and I've wanted more than anything to have your respect. Up until now I didn't feel it, but tonight I feel it, and I can't deny the fact that you like me, right now, you like me! Gulp. And I love you, Steve Jobs! I love you, brother! I love you, man! Everybody, I love you. I love you all. Steve Wozniak! Randy Wiggenton! Randy, I love you. Everybody who's involved with this, I love you. I love you. Everybody involved.
Sorry, apparently I was channeling Sally Field and Cuba Gooding Jr. there for a minute. And that's weird, because those were Oscar acceptance speeches.
Speaking of Bono, U2 is up for eight awards, can you believe it? I really hope somebody warned Bono that a roomful of other nominees isn't the kind of audience you go mosh-pit diving into. Oh, I guess he quit doing that. I see that U2 is nominated for "Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out Of." Boy, I know that feeling. Last half of the Sculley tenure, right through Spindler and Amelio. I was thinking about Steve the whole time and saying "Oh brother where art thou?" Then he arrived and I was thinking of Sade. Not the singer, the Marquis.
Speaking of torture, how about that speech by NARAS president Michael Green? But golly, aren't we all a little wiser now that Michael has enlightened us about the world wide web of theft and indifference that is threatening to put the music industry middle men out of business and let artists and their listeners communicate directly with one another? I know I am.
Well, the middle men may get the money but at least tonight the true creative artists get the recognition they deserve. Yeah! And I wanna tell you, it feels great. Steve asked me to deliver a message to all the songwriters out there. He wanted to thank you for all the inspiration you've given him and to ask you, the next time you write about love or beauty or truth or about making the right decision when those around you are choosing badly, to see if the lyrics aren't improved by putting a Macintosh computer in there.
Product placement. It's working in the movies, and it can work in music, too.
Finally, and most importantly, I want to thank John, Paul, George, and Ringo for letting me keep my name. You, too, Yoko. Thank you all. MP3 forever! Buy an iPod! Rock on!
