Blairish electric guitar theme tune over cheap, under-animated title sequence. Title: ‘The Geeking of the Nerds’. Opening shot – a suspiciously youthful-looking and bespectacled man eating a Pizza in a restaurant.
Cringely (for it is he): Hi, and welcome to the Fredoes Caf in San Diego, California. This restaurant may not look like much, but it is right here that one of the most significant inventions in the history of the PC was made. But before we find out about that, let me introduce my assistant for this series.
A girl is matted into the shot, using a really strikingly poor chromakey technique. The girl is incorrectly lit, the wrong size for the perspective, her feet don’t touch the floor, and a fuzzy line surrounds her image.
When the girl speaks, we discover to our increased embarrassment that she is a Brit, apparently of the not-quite-bright-enough-to-get-on-Blue-Peter school of media studies. The girl addresses herself to a point quite near Cringely’s right ear.
Girl: Hi Bob and I’d just like to say how great it is to be here. Only I’m not really here of course –
Cringely (looking some way to the left of her left shoulder, and perhaps beginning to realise that Bob Hoskins earned his money in Roger Rabbit): Yes –
Girl (plonking tone): I’m only virtually here. I’m actually in Birmingham. In the studio. But using the magic of the Internet –
Cringely (interrupting firmly): But to find out why Fredoes is so significant we have to travel north –
Girl: So why is Fredoes so significant, Bob?
Cut to shot of Cringely driving a convertible sports car slowly along the freeway.
Cringely: Back in 1978, one guy, working in a pretzel store in Silicon Valley, had an idea. An idea that was to change millions of lives, and earn billions and billions of dollars.
(Pulls car off freeway, parks in front of ‘Just Pretzels’ pretzel shop. Fat, elderly man with pleasant avuncular appearance, presumably the proprietor of the shop, leans in the doorway. Caption: Jack ‘Pretzel’ Larkin.)
Cringely: Hi. I’m Bob Cringely.
Jack Larkin: Hi Bob. Would you like to come in and interview me for British Channel 4?
Cringely: Do you mind if I come in for a moment?
(Cut to interior of shop. Cringely is seated at a small table, Jack is serving him pretzels.)
Cringely: Mmmm. I’d like one of those…
Cringely (on voiceover): But in 1978, it was a lot more than just pretzels that were cooking in Jack’s store. Something really big was about to happen, something that would change the world forever. And this thing would never have happened…
(Cut to stock footage of Xerox PARC. A man with a really horrid 1976 haircut is playing PONG on an Alto.)
Cringely: … if it hadn’t been for Xerox PARC. Boy, those guys at Xerox PARC thought of everything!
(Cut to Cringely’s garage, which is ostentatiously furnished with an original IBM PC, a first generation Apple Mac, an Apple II etc etc.)
Cringely (Standing in front of whiteboard): Time for another Bob Cringely crash course in high tech basics. Pay attention now! (He simpers.) You see, before 1978, everybody thought of a computer as one big box. (Draws a big box on whiteboard.) That is everybody except one man. (Draws a stick man.) Can you guess who that man was?
(Cut to stock footage of Bill Gates, being interviewed by an unseen party who one suspects isn’t Cringely.)
Gates: Yeah, well it’s all very well you saying that, but what people don’t realise is that in those days this kind of stuff was hard to do. And expensive. And we made the policy decision that, yeah, we’re gonna go for it. And we did.
Cringely (voiceover): No, not him. He didn’t come along until much later.
(Cut to shot of Cringely, pedalling an ice cream vendor’s tricycle along a beach.)
Cringely (addresses camera in cod Italian accent as he pedals past): Getcha tutsi frutsi ice cream!
Cringely (voiceover): I’ve come here to Malibu to meet someone very special.
Cycles up to a beach villa, and knocks at door. Door opens instantly, to reveal fat, elderly man in Hawaiian shirt and shorts.
Man in Hawaiian shirt: Hi Bob. Would you like to come in?
Cringely: Hi. My name’s Bob Cringely. Can I come in?
Man in Hawaiian shirt: Better get your ice cream out of the sun, in case it melts!
(Both parties turn to camera and laugh.)
(Cut to the British Blue Peter girl, whom we had hoped the director had forgotten about, standing in a street of British terraced houses.)
Girl: Meanwhile, back in ’77, things were hotting up here in the UK. I’ve come to Birmingham to meet the programmer who really set things rolling. Let’s see if anyone is at home.
(Presses doorbell, door opens immediately)
(etc etc etc etc etc)
